Let Me Paint a Scenario for You: Piniella Retires from Baseball At the All-Star Break, Brenly Gets the Job, Leads Cubs To Central Division Title

This is something I can see happening.

If the Chicago Cubs continue playing lousy baseball -- and there's no reason to think they won't -- it wouldn't surprise me to see manager Lou Piniella say something like this during the All-Star game break, which will be here very soon:

"This team has not played up my expectations, or up to the players' expectations. Consequently, after devoting most of my adult life to baseball, I have decided to retire as manager, effective immediately. I plan to return to Florida and spend more time with my family."

Then the Cubs can turn the manager's job over to TV commentator Bob Brenly, who has been critical of the team much of the season, on an interim basis. At this stage, the Cubs are still capable of making a run at the National League Central championship, and Brenly -- who has already won a World Series when he managed the Arizona Diamondbacks -- can possibly turn around a horribly underachieving team in the second half of the season.

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If Brenly can't motivate the players to win, I think general manager Jim Hendry [pictured at the right with outfielder Kosuke Fukudome] should be fired. After all, Hendry is the guy who traded Mark DeRosa to Cleveland, signed Milton Bradley and overpaid Fukudome and Alfonso Soriano.

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No team in baseball needs a fresh start more than the Cubs. Any franchise that has a capacity home crowd every day and every night deserves much better than what Piniella and Hendry have given the fans.

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Anyone who suggests that Carlos Zambrano should be traded needs to see a doctor. Zambrano needs a new pitching coach and a new manager. There's nothing wrong with the guy's pitching ability. His arm is fine; his head is what needs help.

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I thoroughly enjoyed listening to Steve Stone's commentary during the Cubs-White Sox series. Stone [pictured at the left], a former Cubs announcer who now works for the White Sox, is the best in the business. He's another guy the Cubs should have never let get away.

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I'm sure glad the Cubs have brought up Sam Fuld from No-Name Ballteam. He'll really straighten out that outfield situation.

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Mark DeRosa is not the savior Cardinal fans think he is. He was just as mystified by good pitching as the rest of the Cubs in big games the past couple of seasons -- especially when they were swept in the playoffs by Arizona and the Dodgers.

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An e-mail to me from Don Clasen of Chicago:


Hi, Ron:

Although two losses in a row aren't a disaster, the Cubs aren't playing up to their potential. And and feel that Lou and the team are waiting for Ramirez to come back feeling they'll become an instant winner.

Went to the game Sunday and saw the Cubs perform lackadaisically. They have gaps at third, second and rightfileld. And Soriano isn't exactlly a gold-glover in left. But the real shortcoming may be on the mound. Z wasn't too impressive today and although the relievers did fairly well, the firemen have been too prone to give up walks.

After seeing DeRosa make a great grab in his first game with the Cardinals today, I agree with you when you point out that he should never have been traded. The Cubs might be different with him plugging holes in several positions.

Oh, well, like Sweet Lou says, there are plenty of games left this season and the North Siders should snap out of it. Since I'm an American League fan too, the Sox also need to be consistent and play up to their potential. They been been far too error prone lately. And although they pressed Beckham into service in the majors too quickly, he is starting to pay off.

It would be nice if Chicago could have both teams advance again after the regular season. Let's hope they can both get straightened out after the Fourth of July.

Don Clasen
Chicago

[RON MALY'S COMMENTS: Don, I don't think either the Cubs or Sox are good enough at this stage to win their divisions. The Cubs need a personality transplant, and could finish last in the National League Central -- even behind Pittsburgh and Houston. The Sox aren't nearly as good as Detroit and Minnesota].

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By the looks of things, those Johnson girls like that California cookin'. No wonder the youngest one is saying goodbye to Iowa.

If Teammates Keep Their Distance from Bradley In the Cubs' Clubhouse, I Can See Why. I've Seen His Numbers and I Don't Like Him, Or His Act, Either

The last thing I wanted to write about -- again -- was the Milton Bradley Situation in Chicago.

I'm already sick of the guy, and it's still only June.

The Cubs need another Bradley controversy like they need White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen talking again about the rats that roam Wrigley Field.

But here we go again, Bradley [pictured at the right] feeling sorry for himself because he doesn't feel welcome in the Cubs' clubhouse and displaying a "me-first" attitude in still the early stages of his three-year, $30 million deal with the team.

Manager Lou Piniella [pictured at the left] told Bradley to take off his uniform and go home yesterday after the outfielder became the latest Cub to attack a Gatorade dispenser in the dugout.

Some might wonder if the latest Bradley episode might lead to Piniella and general manager Jim Hendry eventually losing their jobs. Not me.

If Piniella and Hendry aren't tough enough to withstand a cancer like Bradley, the Cubs don't play most of their home games during the day.

Bradley has been trouble everywhere he's been, and anybody who didn't expect problems with him when he got to the Cubs had his [or her] head buried under the tarpaulin at Wrigley Field.

Bradley is hitting a horrible .237 for the Cubs and is one of the biggest reasons the Cubs are no better than a .500 team as July 4 approaches.

The Chicago Tribune says Bradley feels he has no friends in the clubhouse. The Chicago Sun Times says all he cares about is himself.

As he proved a while back when he didn't even know how many outs there were in a game, Bradley is sometimes out of touch with what's going on around him.

After Piniella told Bradley to go home during the Cubs' 5-4 victory over the White Sox yesterday, Chris DeLuca of the Sun Times wrote, "Privately, the players in the Cubs' dugout wanted to give Piniella a standing ovation. Veteran Alfonso Soriano, who doesn't get the credit he deserves for being a true team leader, said he had never seen anything like it during his nine-year career. And then Soriano -- always one of the first Cubs in the clubhouse -- put the onus on Bradley to shape up or ship out.

'''That's my first time to see a manager fighting with a player; get mad with a player,' Soriano said. '''Sometimes you can get mad, but not like that. It's something new for me every day.

'''We are 25 players, and we have to be on the same page. If he is not 100 percent to help the team win, we don't need him. If he's 100 percent and he wants to play, he's more than welcome.'''

Just think, Hendry passed on signing Raul Ibanez to get Bradley in the off-season.

Right now, Ibanez is batting .312, has hit 22 home runs and driven in 57 for the Phillies. Bradley's ,237 batting average doesn't go far enough in proving just how bad he's been for the Cubs. He also has hit only five home runs and has driven in just 16.

And he says nobody likes him in the clubhouse.

I can see why.

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"The Central Division is terrible," Mark Robinson of Iowa City tells me in an e-mail.

You are so right, Mark.

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Damaged Rooster, not his real name, writes to me on Twitter: "DMR launched a quarterly food section. It featured a recipe for a bacon cheeseburger. Yup, that should get them in the black soon."

Yes, Damaged, I'm sure that'll delay the next round of layoffs at 8th & Locust. For about 2 seconds.

National League Central Is a Race That Only Baseball's Poor Excuse for a Commissioner [Bud Selig] Could Enjoy; Plus, the Lowdown On .227 Hitter Soto

I didn't watch all of the Cubs' horrible three-game series at Detroit this week, but what I did see was gruesome enough.

The Tigers won all of the games, finishing with a 6-5 victory today in a matinee game that saw the Cubs blow a 3-0 lead.

The only thing good about the afternoon was that the Cardinals and Brewers also lost. The Cardinals are in first place and the Brewers are second, one game out.

The Cubs are 3 1/2 out, even though they're now one game under .500.

This is just what Bud Selig, baseball's sorry excuse for a commissioner, wants -- parity all over the place.

The Cubs aren't good at anything, but they're still within a series sweep of being close to first place.

And they still don't have Aramis Ramirez yet.

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It's a good thing -- I guess -- that baseball requires each team to get at least one player in the All-Star game. The Cubs don't deserve to have any players in the game, but I guess pitcher Ted Lilly [today's loser] will get picked.

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American League teams Detroit and Minnesota would like to play the Cubs and other teams from the National League Central all the time.

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It turns out the question people were asking about Cubs catcher Geovany Soto -- "what was he smoking" -- needed to be asked. Reports today showed that Soto [pictured at the right] tested positive for marijuana when he played for Puerto Rico in the World Baseball Classic. The guy hit 23 home runs and drove in 86 runs last season while earning National League rookie of year honors, but he's hitting a lame .227 this season. I'd say more testing is necessary.

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From George Wine: "Thought you would want to know that our old friend Jim Mott [pictured at the left] died a couple of days ago and services are Friday in Madison, Wis. He had been ailing with Parkinson's for several years." Mott, 79, was a longtime sports information director at Wisconsin.

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I told Wine that I hoped Wisconsin's decision to quit publishing media guides didn't hasten Mott's death. George's response: "Speaking of not printing media guides, [the College Sports Information Directors Association] has stopped printing its monthly digest, instead putting it online. That's saving money so they could go out and hire a fulltime executive director for $150,000 per year. You may remember him -- John Huminek, who was Michigan's SID for a short time."

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"Nice story, Ron. Enjoy your summer and stay in touch. My best to Paul Morrison."

Cheers,

Kari Ortegel Moers

[RON MALY'S COMMENT: Kari is one of Bob Ortegel's four daughters, and her e-mails to me provided the basics for my recent column on the family of the former Drake basketball coach].

A Perfect Fathers Day: A Son and His 80-Year-Old Dad Watch the St. Louis Cardinals Win a Game On the Tube

A nice Fathers Day e-mail from Mark Robinson of Iowa City:

Hi, Ron;

I spent Fathers Day with my dad in Marshalltown. Fox Sports Midwest, which I don't get in Iowa City, showed the game between St. Louis and Kansas City. It was a joke of a ballgame, but that is just what I wished for. That my dad would not have to fret over Cardinals hitting, pitching and the bullpen. As it happened, it was a perfect Fathers Day. Kansas City is a poor excuse for a baseball team, though.

Here, my 80-year-old dad and I were watching, and my dad is a really hard-core Cardinals fan. It is generally difficult to watch a game with him because he, like you, Ron, is a critic. Here's a sampler of you and dad. "Oh my God, we might just suck more than any other team has sucked before. That guy can't hit worth a good goddam. He's worthless against lefties. He can't drive in anyone in scoring position. He can't get the ball over the plate." And further Cardinals woes: Why does LaRussa put that guy into pitch,(?) he is terrible. The manager is clueless.

Further: We traded who? We gave a billion dollars to whom? Uh, this guy is hurt for life and we gave him just how much money?

I sat with my dad in the basement while the Cardinals loaded the bases. The pitcher couldn't avoid Pujols and the ball went over the wall. Four runs. Tied Stan Musial for Grand Salamis in a Cardinal uniform.

Next up a few innings later, Albert Pujols. Another home run. His stats are off the charts.

It was fun, Ron. My father became a Cardinals fan in the mid-1940s, when KMOX was a 50.000-watt blowtorch station that broadcast the team's games west of the Mississippi, thus creating a huge early fan base. His mother, who died in 1959, was a bigtime fan of the Gashouse Gang, and it is true that a boy will pay attention to his mother.

Dad did.

Keep writing,

Mark

[RON MALY'S COMMENTS: Few things are better than spending Fathers Day with your dad, Mark. And to be able to watch the Cardinals with him made it en even better day for you and him. The nice thing about being in this part of the state is that, thanks to DirecTV, I'm able to get telecasts of the Cubs, White Sox, Cardinals, Brewers, Twins and Royals. Some are major league teams, some aren't. I especially like hearing what the announcers from the Cardinals, White Sox, Brewers and Twins say when their teams are playing the Cubs. I always like getting a different perspective. The Royals haven't played the Cubs for a while and -- like you say -- Kansas City isn't a very good team. So I watch the K.C. games less than the others. Thanks for your thoughts, Mark.]

Bob Ortegel Was the Only Drake Basketball Coach To Win a Postseason Tournament. This Column Catches Up With Mavericks' TV/Radio Analyst and His Family

This all began a while back with the following e-mail from Kari Ortegel Moers from faraway New Zealand:


"Hi, Ron,

"I hope this finds you well and happy. I am currently living in New Zealand, a long way from Des Moines.

"I’m all grown up now, as are Kim, Mindi, and Missi. My Dad is an old man now [wouldn’t his ego hate to hear me say that!]. My mother is still beautiful.

"I have tried to find Kenny Harris. My Dad said he has seemed to disappear. I guess Paul Morrison tried to find him some time back, Wonder if you had any clues or search ideas [what was his middle name, home town, birth date, etc?).

"Thank you and kindest regards,"

Kari

*

Kari is the the daughter of Bob Ortegel, who was Drake's basketball coach from 1974-1981. He was an assistant on Howard Stacey's teams before that and -- as the head coach -- led the Bulldogs to the university's only postseason basketball tournament championship.

Ortegel's 1974-75 team defeated Southern California, Bowling Green and Arizona to win the short-lived National Commissioners Invitational Tournament in Louisville, Ky.

I covered the tournament, and have a wristwatch [courtesy of Ortegel] that was presented to members of the championship team, coaches and reporters.

Drake finished with a 19-10 record that season, which was Ortegel's first as Drake's head coach. His career record at Drake was 91-103, and Lewis Lloyd was his star player.

Ortegel [pictured at the lower right] just finished his 20th season as the Dallas Mavericks' TV and radio analyst. He's also worked for ESPN, ABC, the Raycom Southwest Conference basketball game-of-the-week and the Missouri Valley Conference game-of-the-week. In addition to his radion and television responsibilities, Ortegel headlines the Mavericks' speakers bureau.

In the summer of 2005, Ortegel appeared as an analyst in the Disney movie “Glory Road” -- the story of the 1966 NCAA basketball championship that was won by Texas Western.

After leaving Drake, Ortegel spent 14 years in the corporate world, working as an executive with ShowBiz PizzaTime, Inc. [now called Chuck E. Cheese] and MerleHarmon’s FanFair.

Ortegel, who lives in Grapevine, TX, has four adult daughters -- Kim, Kari and identical twins, Mindi and Missi -- and eighth grandchildren.

*

While on the subject of Bob Ortegel, I think he should be invited back to Des Moines so he could be introduced to a crowd at the Knapp Center in an upcoming season. Sandy Hatfield Clubb, the university's athletic director, does well in those types of homecoming situations, and I think it's time the university paid tribute to the guy who took Drake to its only postseason basketball championship.

*

Neither Paul Morrison, Drake's athletic department historian nor I were able to find the whereabouts of Kenny Harris, who was one of Ortegel's better players at Drake.

Morrison said every mailing Drake has sent Harris since he left school has been returned unopened, address unknown.

When I told Kari Ortegel Moers about Harris, I asked her to give me more information on herself and her family. Here was her e-mail reply:

"Hi, Ron,

"Thank you for your e-mail. I married a man from Texas and we lived acouple years in Texas and then moved to the SFO Bay area and then he got a job in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, as a private pilot and the Prince hired me as well (as his head flight attendant) and we were his private flight crew for 12 years. We have some interesting stories! Came to New Zealand on a holiday and bought a house to renovate into a B & B [which we decided back in California we would like to do someday]. After we got it all set up we shifted and we have been here fulltime now for 8 years. New Zealand is a gorgeous country!!! The B & B [which is named Pencarrow Bed & Breakfast and is pictured above] has been a success and all is well here. The recession has hit us, however, and bookings were down this year. We hope it comes back next season [November-April] but some people are saying our next season could even be worse. We come back to the U.S. about every three years and we will come back this year. I will be going to Disney World with Missi and her family.

"My older sister Kim was married prior to me and has a son and daughter. The son graduates from TCU [he has been able to be near my parents for 4 years] and their daughter will finish her first year at Anderson University in Indiana. Kim lives in Indianapolis. So Kim and her husband have their 'empty nest.'

"Mindi and Missi are still as cute and sweet as ever. Mindi married a Texas boy (a youth/assistant pastor at a Baptist church in Houston) and they have a son and daughter and Missi married a Texas boy [a music minister at a Baptist church in Lufkin, Texas] and they have 2 sons and 2 daughters.

"All of us were married by the age of 21 and all of us are still married. My sisters and their kids are really sweet people-I am very blessed!

"My mother lives in the Dallas area and has been very successful in real estate and has great friends and her own home and, like I said is still the epitome of loveliness.

"Dad is great to us daughters. He is still tough. Still thinks he's a teen-ager. Still absolutely loves his b-ball, and needs to die on the court! I think I'd be safe in saying he hasn't changed a bit.

"One last thing...I am still not a Lute Olson fan...hee-hee!

"Thanks for the help with Kenny Harris. I tend to think it may not be good news. He has sure dropped off the face of the earth.

"Send us your news.

"Our best,"

Kari

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Olson was Iowa's coach when Ortegel was at Drake.

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In another e-mail, I asked for the ages of Kari and her sisters. I mentioned that it was my understanding the girls' parents [Bob and Chris Ortegel] are now divorced.

"Yes, they are divorced and she is available," Kari said. "Kim is 45, I am 43 and Mindi and Missi are 39."

Chris Ortegel is pictured at the lower left.

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In the photo above that of Kari and Bill Moers' B&B in New Zealand are Kim with husband Bill and kids Danny and Callie. In the photo above that are Mindi and her family. Above that are Missi and her family. The photo at the top is of Kari and the 10-pound rainbow trout she caught.

'He Figured There Was a Limit To How Much He Should Have To Cough Up While Being Robbed.' Plus, the 4-Mile Walk Home From the Blind Date

A guy I know says he took his adult son to No-Name Ballfield the other day for a baseball game, and it cost him $6 to park and $14 for the tickets. He didn't spend any money on food or drinks. He figured there was a limit to how much he should have to cough up while being robbed.

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Along that same line, Datebook has a story today that lists seven entertainment events with free admission prices. No-Name Ballfield obviously isn't one of them.

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People -- well, two or three anyway -- are crediting me for convincing Datebook it should quit using photographs of empty dining rooms when restaurant reviews are published. Today, for instance, two people were shown sitting in an otherwise vacant GoodSons Martini and Panini restaurant. I think the people were the restaurant's two dishwashers posing as customers, but at least it's a start in the right direction.

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I suppose they'll be saying pretty soon that Des Moines isn't a good hockey town.

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From Mark Robinson of Iowa City:

"Hi, Ron.

"There is a new technology on the web called "Deep Web" search. One of the search engines is PIPL.Com. Deep web digs into online data bases and will no doubt be a premium service.

"I went to www.pipl.com and cranked in Murray Wier and that old post I made to your website is linked. This is more info, for free and on the surface than any other personal search engine I've used. I even did a search for his daughter Marcia and a result was Marcia as a relative to Murray.

"On the one hand, it's cool and on the other hand, it's scary. Nothing is private any longer.

"Anyway, I tracked down an old UNI friend of mine who lives in Clive along with his phone number with address. I have used other sites like Bigfoot and 411 in the past, but they always have been old, old, old listings.

"You may already know about this, and there is more to come with regard to the 'Deep Web.'

"Take care, Ron. And, if you look at that photo of you at the Iowa/OSU game in '06, I am seated just 10 rows under the left '25' on the scoreboard. It was a blind date and I had to walk home...four miles.

"I enjoyed every minute of it. The ticket was on her."

Mark Robinson
Iowa City

[RON MALY'S COMMENTS: Mark, thanks for referring me to the Deep Web. I'm not sure I want to know that much about someone else, or myself. And cardiologists around the world would be proud of that four-mile walk you took after the Iowa-Ohio State football game. You added maybe added a week or two to your life with that workout].

Hawkeye Fans Happy Iowa State Will Be Keeping Pollard As Its Athletic Director Through 2014; They Also Hope Rhoads, McDermott Stay Onboard As Coaches

Hawkeye fans across the board are happy Iowa State has decided to keep Jamie Pollard as its athletic director through at least 2014. They'll consider it a real bonus if Iowa State keeps Paul Rhoads and Greg McDermott as the football and basketball coaches over the long haul, too.

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I believe in keeping things simple. I think the Des Moines airport should be called the Des Moines airport. Not Des Moines International Airport or anything else. Remember when they tried to call the Des Moines Freeway the MacVicar Freeway? Didn't last, did it? Like I said, keep it simple. Like No-Name Ballfield. Better yet, Sec Taylor Stadium.

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A better name for the Des Moines Freeway: A Bad Idea.

*

It was good to see Drake sports information director Mike Mahon and historian Paul Morrison at our most recent sportswriters' lunch. The 91-year-old Morrison continues to amaze me.

*

"Ron,

"I have now been able to make quite a few copies of the Harmison DVD. If anyone is interested through your site, here is the address to order:

Mike Swan
Rubi Slipper Productions
1403 Park Ave.
El Dorado, KS 67042

"We're really just interested in telling the story, but will go ahead and charge $5 for shipping.

"Thanks again for your help on this.

"Sincerely,

Mike Swan

[RON MALY'S COMMENTS: Thanks, Mike. Again, good job with the DVD].

Now It's the Batting Coach Who Takes the Hit for Lousy Jobs By the Cubs' Bosses and Players; Lou Piniella Could Be Next Guy To Pay the Ultimate Price

The first three words I've got for the firing of Gerald Perry as the Chicago Cubs' hitting coach are these: It's about time.

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Obviously, general manager Jim Hendry and manager Lou Piniella are using Perry [pictured with Piniella at the left] as the fall guy for their own piss-poor work. Hendry didn't get the Cubs any batting help in the off-season, and Piniella couldn't motivate John Wayne [pictured at the right] in a buffalo stampede.

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I'd like to remind Piniella that when the firing of his hitting coach doesn't work, the manager is the next to get canned. That usually happens during the All-Star game break.

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And another thing: They can't fire an entire overpaid lineup, so they fired the batting coach.

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Now let's see if Von Joshua can accomplish something as Perry's replacement. If Geovany Soto and Milton Bradley can get their averages up to .250 and Kosuke Fukudome can get one hit the rest of this month, I'll consider Joshua a success.

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All I can say is, it's sure a good thing the Cubs play in the National League Central. To play as badly as they've as they have so far this season and still be in contention for the title illustrates how bad the division is.

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Before the Cubs saved their season and fired Gerald Perry [that's a joke], Scott Pierce sent me this e-mail:

"Ron:

"I read your piece on Bradley and it got me to researching a bit. Below is stuff it took me 30 minutes to find. It's stuff Jim Hendry should have known immediately.

"Last year, Bradley set a career high in home runs, RBIs, total bases, & batting average. He played in 126 games, the most since 2004. In his previous 3 seasons, he averaged just over 13 home runs, just over 42 RBIs, and hit .288. So, his only year in Texas, his option year, he hits 22 home runs, drives in 77, and hits .321.

"Here are some other numbers to digest:

"*He's played in 100+ games twice. One of those was last year with 122. The other was 141 with the Dodgers in 2004.

"*He's driven in 50+ runs four times since 2001. He averages just over 40 RBIs a year.

"*Last year, he played in 122 games, but only 20 of those in the field. He DHed the other 102. He played 138 games in the field for the 2004 Dodgers. That's the only time he's played more than 100 games in the field.

"I've said it to you before. The signing of Bradley was one of Hendry's dumbest moves---and he's had a bunch of them. I said before the season this division was the
Cubs to lose. They have the most talent. But it's the middle of June. Usually, teams
are awake by now. By the way, the first team in the NL Central to make a big move will
win the division."

Scott Pierce

[RON MALY'S COMMENT: I suppose you're going to say the trade of Mark DeRosa to Cleveland for some stumblebum prospects was a dumb move by Hendry, Scott!]

Brenly and I Hope All Little Leaguers Are Busy Doing Something Else When Bradley and the Rest Of the Cubs Keep Making a Joke Of the Game Of Baseball

On a recent Chicago Cubs telecast, during which Lou Piniella's losers were doing everything good teams don't do, commentator Bob Brenly said something like, "All of you Little Leaguers who have been watching can turn off your TVs now."

Brenly [pictured at the right] is a former major league manager -- his Arizona Diamondbacks once won a World Series -- and it's got to pain him to see some of the ridiculous things Piniella's overpaid players do on the field.

Like yesterday when rightfielder Milton Bradley didn't have his head in the game and threw the ball into the bleachers after the second out in the Minnesota Twins' eighth inning.

Because of some other misdeeds that Little Leaguers wouldn't have let happen, many in a crowd of 41,509 had been booing Bradley before that idiotic play, and may have been booing him all night.

Bradley and a number of other Cubs are masters at disregarding fundamentals that baseball purists insist will get you more losses than victories.

In addition to not being able to count, the Cubs can't hit behind runners, can't hit period, can't bunt, think the hit-and-run is something you do with your car, can't throw to the right base from the outfield, can't steal a base, don't know how to execute a squeeze play, don't take pitches and swing at everything out of the strike zone.

All they're good at is robbing their fans. Those thousands of people who flock to Wrigley Field 81 times a year should have their heads examined.

One thing they can be sure of is that Bradley won't be in the line ahead of them. His head is unfixable.

*

An e-mail from Craig Maltby of Clive:

"Well, Ron, I knew it was a matter of time before my starstruck reflections would get updated (or upbraided) by a cold dose of 'the rest of the story.'

"I guess I can only say that Barry Switzer's no different than Britney Spears, Larry Eustachy, Susan Boyle or Ramona Cunningham. Once someone rises from modest means to breathe the rarefied air of fame, adulation or big money, they can easily spin out of control.

"Of course, great performers can also maintain a high...er...strong ethical and moral position, too. I don't defend Switzer. I do defend still being a sap for a great story, even if it goes off the tracks."

Craig S. Maltby, APR

[RON MALY'S COMMENTS: If you've been reading these columns, you know by now that Maltby and Mark Robinson of Iowa City have been writing in recent days about Switzer, the retired Oklahoma and Dallas Cowboys football coach. I thank both Maltby and Robinson for writing, and I both hope and expect that I hear from them again in the future].

*

I was happy to see the Register's sports editor pounce on that "umpire-ejects-fans-in-high-school-game" story so he could get it in the paper 24 hours after the Burlington Hawk Eye had it originally.

Matt Levins' story in the Hawk Eye has been on the right side of this page since late yesterday afternoon.

There are several reasons why it's always a good idea for the Register's sports editor to leap on such a story, and try to get another angle or two: 1. He gets his version of the story on page 1 of the general news section because those who lay out the page think he might have a scoop. That was not the case in this situation, however; 2. he remains in good standing with his bosses, who think their guy is on top of everything; 3. Readers don't have to wait until Sunday to see the story in the hard-hitting "In the Loop."

I Still Can't Figure Out How An Entire Team Can Be In a Slump; Maybe Milton Bradley Didn't Sign His Contract; The Other [Very Dark] Side To Switzer

I still can't figure out how a whole team can be in a slump at the same time.

*

You're right. I'm referring to the Chicago Cubs.

*

As I pointed out yesterday, I've seen people on life support who show more zip than some of the players on the Cubs' roster.

*

But devoting this entire column to the Cubs would take too long and be too silly.

Hey, I've got grass to cut and other stuff to do.

I'll leave the heavy lifting to the people in the writing business who have to worry about when they're going to take their next unpaid furlough week.

*

The last thing I need to worry about is whether some billion-dollar sports franchise is getting its money's worth.

So anything I say about the Cubs in the next few paragraphs doesn't mean that I feel sorry for the team.

I'm just printing a few things that are on my mind.

I mean, I'm sitting here today wondering if there's some way the Cubs can get out their deal with the switch-hitting Milton Bradley [pictured at the left].

[By the way, I use the term switch-hitter in a positive way, if there is such a thing].

And I'm not referring to the Milton Bradley game company in Springfield, Mass.

I'm writing about the Milton Bradley who is doing such a terrible job of proving that the three-year, $30 million contract the Cubs gave him in the off-season was a good deal for the team and its fans.

I mean, I'm asking if general manager Jim Hendry or someone else can find out that Bradley really didn't sign his contract.

Kind of like those collegiate football and basketball coaches who go a couple of years before signing anything. During that time, the coaches' lawyers are trying to bleed the athletic directors for every nickel they can get.

Bradley came to the Cubs as a good-hit, so-so-field rightfielder.

Right now, in mid-June, his fielding is the best part of his game.

That's how bad things have gotten.

He's hitting .209, which is bad enough. Against right-handed pitching, he's hitting a lousy .183.

And they got the guy so he could hit against right-handers.

Give me a break.

*

Here's a statistic: Bradley, of course, is always hurt. But the Cubs have a 10-3 record when he doesn't play.

*

Changing subjects, the Famous Chicken doesn't do just a one-night stand at No-Name Ballfield every few years. Actually, the real Famous Chicken has an office at the ballpark, and is there most of the time.

*

There are are [at least] two sides to every story, and Mark Robinson of Iowa City points out the other [much darker] side to Barry Switzer, the retired football coach Craig Maltby of Clive wrote about in this space yesterday.

Here's Robinson's e-mail to me:

"Hi, Ron,

"I appreciate Maltby and his appreciation of Maury White's work, but Barry Switzer was a bad guy. Yes, a bad guy who actually got to coach my Dallas Cowboys.

"Oh, well.

I lived in Tulsa while his reign of terror transpired in Norman. Rape, firearms, drug use by his players and his own DWI and pandering to prostitutes brought him down.

"He was a poor loser who never gave any credit to the winning team when he lost.

"He was a bastard and an asshole.

"And, if someone asks me nicely, I will tell them how I REALLY feel.

"Keep writing,"

Mark Robinson

[RON MALY'S COMMENTS: Switzer was a national championship coach at Oklahoma, but there was much more to the story than what he did on the football field. Switzer's photo appeared on the famous cover of the Feb. 27, 1989 Sports Illustrated [pictured], along with a larger picture of former Oklahoma quarterback Charles Thompson. The handcuffed Thompson was dressed in prison clothes after the FBI videotaped him selling 17 grams of cocaine for $1,400 to an undercover agent. Thompson was arrested in Norman and charged with dealing cocaine. Text on the Sports Illustrated cover said, "Oklahoma: A Sordid Story. How Barry Switzer's Sooners terrorized their campus." Switzer's program had already been under strong criticism before the Thompson arrest. Players had been arrested for such things as assault with a deadly weapon and rape. Switzer resigned as Oklahoma's coach following the 1988 season. Switzer went on to coach the Dallas Cowboys, but that didn't have a happy ending either. On Jan. 10, 1998, following a 6-10 record, owner Jerry Jones said Switzer was resigning.]

*

I've been pointing out that I haven't watched a minute of the NBA finals yet.

I hear that the Lakers are about ready to win the championship, so that means the playoffs will probably be over before the Fourth of July.

Good for basketball.

There Was That Maury White Column About Barry Switzer. Now Craig Maltby Comments, 'If People Are Doing a Good Job, Why Not Let Them Know? Directly.'

Craig Maltby of Clive [pictured at the right] writes about a couple of big winners -- retired football coach Barry Switzer [left] and the late sports columnist Maury White -- in this essay titled "Maury and Barry (and Me)":

My twin daughters go off to college next year. They are both excellent musicians, helping place Waukee in the ranks of the top three Iowa high school jazz bands for the past two years. One is contemplating music as a major. The other may minor in music. As I have been contemplating double tuition and suddenly being an empty nester overnight, I’ve also been thinking about how lucky I am to have two talented kids and what their future holds. I’m also determined to let them pursue their passions, whatever they may be or however they may change. Sure, every dad would love for their kids to be a potential Nobel biochemist or the next F. Lee Bailey...well, at least a biochemist, anyway.

I remember reading how Barry Switzer, the celebrated Oklahoma Sooner football coach, had a son who was a talented pianist, and the coach did everything he could to support his kid’s pursuit of piano performance. He wasn’t hell bent on making an OU linebacker out of the lad (although I did notice he may have played at Arkansas during his college years). The young Switzer ended up with a piano master’s degree from the University of Missouri-Kansas City.

And then, another Sooner memory emerges. This one starts with the late Maury White, the legendary Des Moines Register sports columnist who, back in the 80s, wrote a piece about Switzer the week that Oklahoma was to take on Iowa State in Ames.

White wrote a “birthday card” column for Switzer, who was turning 50 years old that week. Ever the enterprising reporter (which a great columnist must be, on top of being an outstanding scribe), White rounded up a stirring account of Switzer’s childhood Arkansas. He grew up in a shack with no running water or electricity, the son of a bootlegger father and a dysfunctional mother who killed herself with a shotgun while the teen-aged Barry was in his adjacent bedroom. His dad was shot by his mistress, according to Sports Illustrated, and both died in a car crash while on the way to the hospital.

Despite these unbelievable obstacles, the young Switzer was an immensely popular kid in high school, and went on to build a coaching career that produced three national championships. “Happy Birthday, Barry,” wrote White to end the column.

That moved me, a 20-something punk at the time. I wrote to Maury (pen, paper and stamp back then) and told him what a wonderful piece he had published. He promptly wrote back, thanking me for the note and telling me that it does his soul good when he hears kudos from readers.

I also decided to mail a note to Coach Switzer, OU Athletic Dept., Norman, OK. I don’t know if I even tried finding the zip code (no search engines back then). I attached the Maury White column and told him how inspiring his story was.

Several days later, a letter arrives with a picture of an OU football helmet in the envelope’s return address.

I open it and find a couple simple sentences thanking me for taking time to write and how it makes one thankful for the good turns life can take. I don’t think it was written by an athletic dept. PR intern because the style was too basic (maybe even grammatically incorrect) and too honest to come from some assigned ghost writer.

So what does this have to do with anything today? Hell, I don’t know. I guess whenever we feel we have it rough once in a while, we might imagine a shanty in Crossett, Arkansas, where some unlucky kid overcame unimaginable odds to achieve some very big things. And produce some apparently talented kids as well. I guess I’m just a pathetic sucker for a true charcoal-stove-to-championships story.

Another lesson, maybe: Famous people, especially those whose work and life get criticized every day, are not immune to really appreciating some honest praise or a pat on the back once in a while. They have basic emotional needs like anyone else. I’ve gotten immediate responses from a number of folks -- national columnists at the Washington Post, New York Times, a trumpet player for a renowned jazz group -- whom I contacted out of the blue to say, “Your work really rocks.” If people are doing a good job, why not let them know?! Directly.

OK, that’s enough schmaltz for one day.

[RON MALY'S COMMENTS: What a nicely written piece, Craig. I, of course, knew Maury White well. I sat next to the man in the same newspaper office for many years [back when there was still a Big Peach], and I knew how hard he worked at his craft. I also knew Barry Switzer a little. I once asked him if any of the rumors were true that he might be interested in becoming Iowa State's football coach. He gave me a diplomatic answer, which meant, "No, I'm not interested in Iowa State because I have designs on becoming the next Oklahoma coach." After that, I covered plenty of games in which Switzer's Sooners ran roughshod over most teams in their path. He, too, worked hard at his craft. By the way, Craig Maltby tells me, "I thrive on the only four things that matter in this world: politics, movies, rock music (classic rock, that is) and sports."]

I Covered Tim Floyd's First Game At Iowa State, and I Covered His Last Game. He and I Never Had a Problem, and I Hope He Finds Another Coaching Job

I don't pretend to know everything that's been going on with Tim Floyd's basketball program at Southern California, or what led to his resignation yesterday.

All I know is, it looks like the classic case of a coach quitting before the hangman could get his rope ready.

Yes, it appears that Floyd's bosses were going to pull the plug on him because of the rumors going around about players being paid to participate in what is called an amateur sport.

Hah!

Anyone who thinks college basketball is amateur needs to make an appointment with Jerry Tarkanian.

They didn't call him Tark the Shark for nothing when he was doing all that winning at Nevada-Las Vegas.

If collegiate basketball is amateur, so is the NFL scene that Brett Favre keeps wanting to go back to.

Anyway, Floyd [he's the guy in the white shirt in the photo] is out after four seasons at USC--the last three of which ended in trips to the NCAA tournament.

That's Tim Floyd. He'll always get you to the NCAA.

But four seasons is about all you'll get out of him.

Ask Iowa State.

Speaking of Iowa State, and before I get too far into this essay about Tim Floyd, let me point out that the search to find a new coach at USC is now official because Larry Eustachy's name is mentioned among the list of potential candidates.

Yes, the same Larry Eustachy who succeeded Floyd at Iowa State, and left because he couldn't control his consumption of alcohol.

*

I know Tim Floyd a little.

Not a lot. A little.

I like the guy.

I never had a problem with him, and I don't think he ever had a problem with me.

I was doing newspaper work when Iowa State was courting him prior to the 1994-95 season.

Floyd didn't know if he wanted to leave the University of New Orleans and be the successor to Johnny Orr at Iowa State.

He took the job once, then said he didn't want it.

He thought and he thought.

Finally, he said yes. He took the job.

I figured he'd make Iowa State a winner, and he did.

*

I covered Tim Floyd's first game at Iowa State, and I covered his last game.

I never got to go to an NCAA tournament with him, and he apologized to me for that.

No apology needed.

I've been to plenty of NCAA games. Plenty of Final Fours. Plenty of championship games.

I covered Bill Walton and John Wooden. Jerry Tarkanian and Roy Williams. Maury John and Rick Pitino.

*

Anyway, late in the fall of 1994, when Floyd was getting ready to coach his first game with the Cyclones, I went into his office at Hilton Coliseum.

He probably didn't know what he was getting into with me.

It had been a miserable autumn for me already.

I had covered Jim Walden's final football season at Iowa State.

Final season? It felt like five years in a fire at the old Cargill plant at Cedar Rapids.

The Cyclones' record was 0-10-1, and Walden was told he was fired before the season ended.

The 31-31 tie Iowa State had was at Oklahoma State. Walden had his players sing the school song after the tie, and singing the song was supposed to be reserved for victories. So I figured Walden didn't think he'd win a game all season.

He didn't.

Iowa State's opening game ended in a loss to Northern Iowa.

Not many coaches survive when they start the season by losing to UNI.

Walden didn't.

*

There were a number of strange happenings and a number of strange press conferences that season.

I, of course, had gotten the reputation of being a lightning rod for controversy. In other words, rouble followed me around.

I was a bigtime participant in the 19 consecutive non-winning football seasons Iowa had in the 1960s and 1970s.

I covered Frank Lauterbur's 0-11 Hawkeye season. I wrote the Christmas Day story that got Gordon "Slim" Chalmers fired as Iowa State's athletic director. I covered the black boycotts at both Iowa and Iowa State.

So Tim Floyd probably didn't know what to expect when I told him I'd be covering him in the Big Island Invitational at Hilo, Hawaii, in 1994.

Maybe he thought he should buy a one-way ticket back to New Orleans.

*

No problem.

When I talked to Tim Floyd for the first time in Hilo, he gave me a bunch of newspapers he had gotten on the trip. He told me about a good restaurant on the beach in Hilo.

We got along fine. Floyd and his Cyclones won their first two games in the Big Island Invitational, but lost to Purdue in the championship game.

I took over another collegiate basketball beat -- maybe Iowa, maybe Drake -- when I got back home, and Iowa State went on to a 23-11 record, including a second-round loss to North Carolina in the NCAA tournament.

Everybody at Iowa State was happy. Floyd included.

*

But as time went on, Floyd became disenchanted with Gene Smith, his athletic director, and the rest of Iowa State's athletic department administration.

Something always seemed to be bothering him.

Finally, the rumors were rampant that Floyd was using the Iowa State job simply as a steppingstone to the Chicago Bulls.

I didn't cover Floyd again until his final season at Iowa State.

It wasn't a good one. The record was 12-18.

I was sitting in a hotel room in Manhattan, Kan., one day when I called Floyd's office so I could talk to him about the next night's game against Kansas State.

Floyd called me in the room at about 8 p.m., and spent the entire conversation wondering why Marc Hansen didn't write a column about something that was bothering Floyd.

"It's not my week to assign Hansen's columns," I told Floyd. "Call me next week, and we'll get things figured out."

Like I said, something always seemed to be bothering Floyd, and that was too bad.

*

In the final game of the season -- in the opening round of the conference tournament at Kansas City -- Floyd tried hard to get kicked out by an official he didn't like.

The official wouldn't do him that favor. Even after Floyd marched from the sideline to well beyond the middle of the floor to protest something, the zebra wouldn't eject him.

No matter. The Cyclones weren't going to win, and didn't. Off to the Chicago Bulls our man Tim Floyd went.

It was after that game that Floyd said he was sorry he didn't take me to the NCAA tournament.

"Don't worry," I said. "I enjoyed watching you coach."

*

So now there's a new adventure in Floyd's life.

He's 55, and I'm sure he'll coach again.

I hope so. He's too good not to coach.

Damaged Rooster Wants To Know If I Think the Paper Would Endorse Shawn Johnson for Governor. I Say, 'Why Would She Run? She'd Have To Take a Pay Cut'

Damaged Rooster [pictured at the left] had this question for me on Twitter: "Ron, do you think if Shawn Johnson ran for governor, the Des Moines Register would endorse her?"

My answer: I'd say the chance of the newspaper endorsing Shawn, a gymnast/dancer with a million-dollar smile, would be pretty good if she ran for governor. The paper has fallen in love with Johnson. At least one or two editors have. I'm not sure about the reporters who are assigned to occasionally write stories about her.

The trouble is, I doubt Johnson would want the Register's endorsement for governor or any other public office because everyone the paper supports in an election loses.

On second thought, I doubt Johnson would even be interested in being Iowa's governor. She'd have to take too much of a pay cut.

*

Speaking of the paper, again, I see the editors are promoting wine and the drinking of wine. With all the problems this country, and particularly central Iowa, has with alcoholism, I wonder why a newspaper in a circulation and advertising freefall chooses to promote the consumption of wine.

*

By the way, don't look for me at the West Glen farmers' market. I see there's a $5 admission to the thing. I'm not paying to get into a farmers' market anymore than I'm paying to get into an open house or a number of open houses. I'll stick with the farmers' market at West Des Moines' Valley Junction, which has no admission fee and which is part of what that guy said in today's paper is "fantasyland." Hey, man, aren't we all looking for some sort of fantasyland?

*

I rode my red-and-white cruiser bicycle [pictured at the right] yesterday on a few sidewalks and in a church parking lot [thank you, Episcopalians!]. That was the first time I've been on a bicycle in a couple of years. It was a good way to start again, with no gears and a coaster brake. I'm maybe working up enough courage to again ride my vintage fire-engine red, 10-speed Raleigh. But before that happens, I'm going to need two new tires. It's never a good idea to ride a bicycle on tires that haven't been inflated for a couple of years. My days of falling into people's front yards on a bicycle are, hopefully, over.

*

I see former House speaker Newt Gingrich says Barack Obama’s plan to fix the economy through stimulus spending and government intervention to boost companies like General Motors Corp. has "already failed." Give me a break. Obama might not know a Prius from a Corvair, but Gingrich saying the guy is striking out is like a pitcher with a 5.62 earned-run average saying the Chicago Cubs have had a bad century.

*

Somebody just called to ask if Damaged Rooster is the real name of the guy who asked me about Shawn Johnson running for governor. I said I didn't think so.

*

My friend Barry Crist, who cares about the University of Iowa's football team and whatever team Iowa State is playing, pointed me in the direction of a blog written by college football guru Phil Steele.

Steele writes, "Last year Alabama was only ranked No. 24 at the start of the year. The Tide was just 7-6 in 2007, had just 13 returning starters and faced a schedule that had four brutal road games...Alabama amazingly went 12-0 and was ranked No. 1 at the end of the regular season.

"[I wondered] what teams for 2009 had three or more losses last year, but ALL of them were close losses. There were TWO teams who fall into that category and they are Iowa and Ole Miss. Both teams lost four games last year with Ole Miss losing by 2, 6, 7 and 4 and Iowa losing by 1, 5, 3 and 3.

"Iowa is a team that could come out of nowhere like last year's Tide. Just like Bama, Iowa has FOUR tough road games, having to face Big Ten favorites Penn State and Ohio State on the road as well as Michigan St and Wisconsin. The Hawkeyes have my No. 6-rated offensive line and, while the defensive line just missed out on the ratings, they do have my No. 8 defense overall.

"Ole Miss will be a preseason top-10 team, so Iowa has the best shot to be the team with no losses the previous year by more than sevem, that won't be ranked in the top 20 that has a seemingly too-tough schedule that could surprise.

Lots of coulds and maybes, but I think Steele likes the Hawkeyes' chances in 2009. I don't know if I'm as optimistic as he is. Those road games bother me.

Mark Robinson Recalls When Chuck Harmison Was Billed As the Next 'Big Red.' But the Bill Waltons Of the Basketball World Don't Come Around That Often

My column about Chuck Harmison a couple of days ago brought back some memories to Mark Robinson of Iowa City:

Hello, Ron,

"Chuck Harmison would never remember meeting me and playing ball, but I will always remember him.

"It was the oddest of coincidences. Ev Cochrane Jr., also known as Evy in those days, rented a room in Marshalltown on the third floor of my in-laws' house. They had turned the huge attic into two efficiency apartments and Evy was one of their first tenants. I do not recall why or how Evy ended up in Marshalltown, but he and his giant Great Dane dog took up residence with my mother and father-in-law. My father was principal at Lenihan Junior High in those days and I asked him to open the gym on a Saturday so Evy and I could play a little ball. Bad idea. Evy was a Big Ten-caliber ballplayer, in my opinion. I was no match and he pretty much said that it would be the last time we would face each other. I was thankful.

"I got a call from Evy weeks later and we met at the Marshalltown YMCA. He brought along with him a tall redhead, Chuck Harmison. Evy proclaimed that Harmison was the next 'Big Red,' the nickname of UCLA player Bill Walton [pictured at the right]. I watched Harmison throw down dunk after dunk, a rare sight in those days as dunking was outlawed.. We shot around for a while and I left knowing very well that, had I stayed any longer, I would be humiliated.

"Hard to put a date on it, but I think it was the summer of '76.

"Evy eventually left Marshalltown and spent some time in Ketchikan, Alaska, before returning to Ames. The future of Harmison is well documented and I thank you for bringing it to my attention, Ron.

"Keep writing,"

Mark Robinson
Iowa City

[RON MALY'S COMMENTS: Thanks for the memories, Mark. I don't, and didn't, know Ev Cochrane Jr., but I knew a little about Ev Cochrane Sr. Robinson says Ev Sr., "played at Iowa and later coached the Marshalltown Bobcats of the early 60s to back-to-back state titles. Mr. Cochrane passed away of acute leukemia five years ago at the age of 75. Ev Jr. continues to run the family business, Ev Cochrane and Associates in Ames, I believe." The Iowa basketball record book shows that Ev Sr., lettered as a Hawkeye in 1951 and 1952. And it's too bad, Mark, that Chuck Harmison wasn't able to develop into the next "Big Red," but basketball players like Bill Walton don't come along all that often.]

*

I'm glad the paper finally caught up with the fact that Shawn Johnson of West Des Moines posed with Los Angeles third baseman Casey Blake of Indianola, then threw out the first pitch prior to a Dodgers game. Getting the news in the paper six days late is how things are going with the hard-hitting "In the Loop."

*

I suppose the hard-hitting "In the Loop" will have something next Sunday on Johnson and What's-His-Name, her dancing partner, talking about how their trophies are broken. That news is only two two weeks old now.

*

That's it for now. I'm going to spend the rest of the morning reading some preseason football magazines to see if they make any more sense than the paper.

I Hope You Get To See 'Chuck Harmison--From Cyclone To CEO,' a Well-Done Documentary On a Former Ames, Cyclone Player Who Has Made It Big In Australia

Thanks to Keith Murphy, the sports director at channel 13/WHO-TV in Des Moines and Mike Swan of El Dorado, Kan., I was able to watch the DVD of "Chuck Harmison--From Cyclone To CEO" on my computer.

Swan, an Ames native who now teaches mass communications at Butler Community College in El Dorado, and Murphy both mailed me copies of the 30-minute video.

Swan was in charge of the documentary about Harmison [pictured at the right], a 6-foot 9-inch former Ames High School and Iowa State basketball player who now is interim commissioner of professional basketball in Australia.

It's a well-done film, and it definitely has a professional touch to it. The interviews are crisp, informative and well-filmed, and I hope a TV station in Iowa -- perhaps from the public network -- chooses to air it.

Swan and his students worked hard on it, and I enjoyed watching it.

Harmison led Ames to an undefeated record that culminated with the 1976 state high school championship.

He went on to have what I'd characterize as a so-so career at Iowa State. I'd like to think that if I were a 6-9 player who had been a standout on an undefeated Ames High School team, there'd be no stopping me in front of the large, boisterous crowds that jam Hilton Coliseum.

The trouble was, fans stayed away from Hilton when Harmison played there and Lynn Nance coached there.

Harmison's scoring and rebounding averages were mediocre. Maybe it was because of the coaching mediocrity at Iowa State in those years.

Harmsion's highest scoring average was 12.5 points as a senior in 1979-80. His other scoring averages were 7.0 as a junior, 6.7 as a sophomore and 6.8 as a freshman. His best rebounding average was 6.4 as a senior.

In the film, Harmison isn't critical of the coaching he received from Nance, a former FBI agent. Harmison's four seasons as a Cyclone were the same four in which Nance was the coach.

I covered many of Iowa State's games at that time, and they were troubled years.

Nance spent much of his time off the court tangling with athletic director Lou McCullough. At times, Nance even used his postgame radio show to criticize McCullough.

That kind of stuff certainly couldn't have been conducive to the Cyclones playing championship basketball at Hilton Coliseum or anywhere else.

Nance's records were 8-19, 14-13, 11-16 and 11-16. Nance either quit or was fired before the 1979-80 season ended.

Attendance plummeted in the Nance era. An average of only 6,470 fans attended Iowa State's home games in Harmison's and Nance's final season.

Iowa State needed a change, and got it. Johnny Orr took the coaching job, and built what now is Hilton Magic.

But enough of that. Back to the good job Swan did with the documentary.

Some of the filming was done when Harmison was back in Ames for the Barry Stevens benefit. Chuck's parents are interviewed, as is his high school coach, Arnie Zediker.

Harmison played professional basketball in Australia, and says in the film, "I never had a job until I was 38."

Like I said, I hope public television or some other station decides to show the film because I think it takes a good look at a home-grown kid who grew into an adult -- a 6-9 adult -- who has a successful career in Australia.

I'm Trying To Convince Alive In Clive To Spend Less Time Reading the Paper and More Time Watching Giada De Laurentis On the Food Channel

Several of us had lunch today at a Thai restaurant with Alive In Clive, who -- as usual -- was pissed off about a number of things.

The only thing Alive [a likeness of whom is pictured at the left] wasn't upset with was the food. He was the only one at the table who cleaned his plate/ The rest of us took some food home.

Alive In Clive -- which, by the way -- is not his real name, reads the paper thoroughly every morning. That's what gets him riled up most of the time.

To get into a better mood, he watches Giada De Laurentis on one of the network morning shows. If he misses Giada in the morning, he tries to remember to see her Italian cooking show at 3:30 p.m. on the Food Channel.

He probably won't be able to see Giada [pictured at the right] today because he's playing golf with his grandsons, so I said I'd fill in for him and tell him what she [Giada, I mean] was cooking.

One thing Alive In Clive wanted to talk about was the Monday edition of the Des Moines Register. He wonders why the company keeps charging him the full price for that skimpy paper, which has one editorial page, sometimes half a business page, sometimes no business page.

"What's the matter, can't they find any parttimers to work on Sunday so they can put out a Monday paper?" Alive In Clive asked.

"No advertising," I said. "Ad sales are down across the board. They've got everything but the sports section and the Shawn Johnson section stuffed into one front section. What gives?"

"I think the Register has become a test paper for the Gannett Co.," I said. "They want to see how little can be put into a daily paper before readers stage a protest and drop their subscriptions.

"If the Monday paper gets any smaller, they're going to put the baseball scores [at least the ones that are in before the 11:10 p.m. Sunday deadline] on a mimeographed sheet of paper and tack it to the bulletin board at all Dahl's supermarkets."

Another thing Alive In Clive was mad about was the story in the Register about the Des Moines guy who said the killing of a Kansas abortion doctor could be justified.

"I get upset about enough stuff that happens at the paper," I said. "I didn't read that crap about what the nutcase said about the abortion doctor. Try to calm down. I didn't read that story because I knew I wouldn't like it. But maybe the reporter, or his editor, had a bad day."

"I think a lot of reporters and editors down there have a lot of bad days," Alive In Clive said.

"Now about Mike Gartner..."

"Now you've done it," I said. "It's time for you to play golf."

*

The newspaper business was also on Don Clasen's mind when he sent me this e-mail:

Ron:

"I agree with your response to Mark Robinson's comments about newspapers. Yes, there will be--or at least I sincerely hope there will always be--newspapers. The world would be worse off without a paper to read, preferably in the morning.

"I've mentioned to you several times how much I enjoy reading the Chicago Tribune since I retired in Chicago. Although Sam Zell, the real estate guy who owns, but is trying to sell the Trib, has strongly hinted that home delivery of the paper may be ended in the future. However, I noticed in my last bill that a $10 'home delivery' fee was added. I have no trouble with that. Maybe an additional cost for delivery is the solution.

"Unfortunately, many of the nation's current economic woes can be traced to greed. Greedy realtors, bankers, those who produce gasoline and fuel oil are among the many to blame. The problem is they are mainly out to rake in millions of dollars without attempting to solve problems that have been responsible for their losing money. Home delivery of newspapers is costly, but charging a few bucks to enable the reader to get his paper in time for breakfast is a solution. However, as Robinson pointed out, the product produced by reporters, editors and photographers must have quality. Cutting corners isn't going to do it. You and I know that 20 years ago the Des Moines Register was a quality newspaper that did virtually everything possible to cover the news and provide good reading along with features and more.

"I consider the Chicago Tribune to be a quality paper, despite its laying off a number of newsroom staff members. Nevertheless, you hardly find any news from the night before in the paper. Deadlines are unrealistic. Of course, if the Sox or Cubs play a night game on the west coast, a game story is included in the next day's edition. But the scores of other games are kissed off with a "late game" listing in the scores and standings.

"Newspaper owners don't need to be extremely brilliant to realize that they are causing the demise of their products. The Des Moines Register appears to be leading the way with its unrealistic shortcuts. Give the reader something good and complete to read and they will return to reading the news their way our parents and grandparents. Today's young people, who avoid getting their news from newspapers, will return to reading them if they get an appealing, well-written and edited product. Subscribers will soon learn that accurate, in-depth coverage of the news along with fascinating features and more is much more appealing than the graphic product send for viewing on TV.

"Most of today's newspaper executives are looking for ways to make coverage via the computer pay. I predict that efforts to get viewers to pay for this type of coverage will eventually fail and once newspapers realize that a quality product sells, they will come back to reading news that is printed and can be cut out and retained.

"Continue to comment on the future of newspapers, Ron. Maybe someone at the Register and other papers that are only interested in making a huge profit will realize that they've got to do a good job to insure that readers will continue to purchase their product."

Don Clasen

[RON MALY'S COMMENTS: Your comment that the Des Moines Register was a quality newspaper 20 years was very accurate, Don. Thanks for writing].

*

Rich Harden will pitch five innings in a rehab start Saturday at No-Name Ballfield in Des Moines, snd the Chicago Cubs hope he's ready to pitch for them June 12 against Minnesota.

Marshalltown Times-Republican Competes With D.M. Register In Morning Market, Gets Rave Reviews for Its Sports Coverage In Central Iowa

Mark Robinson of Iowa City [pictured at the left] writes to me about the newspaper business:

Ron,

"I picked up the Iowa City Press-Citizen this morning just to prove that some baby boomers still read newspapers. My parents, who are now in and around their 80s, still subscribe to both the Marshalltown Times-Republican and the Des Moines Register, albeit out of habit. They believe that subscibing to both is a waste of money, but they can't decide which newspaper to dump. The Times-Republican used to be an evening paper so the combination of Register [morning] and T-R [evening] worked out very well in the good old days. The T-R managed to include news and photos from earlier in the day. As chief photographer at the T-R, I often was asked to grab some sparkling art before the 10:30 deadline. Not only that, I had to develop the film, print the proofs and make final prints. Well, that was 1976-77.

"Under new ownership, the T-R is a morning paper. It's a head-scratcher, for sure. How odd it seems that the T-R would compete with the Register for the morning market in Marshall County. It is true that many afternoon publications have gone away [Dallas Times-Herald, Des Moines Tribune and a host of others]. The idea of dumping a fairly successful business plan and going head-to-head with the Register seems kind of dumb.

"Perhaps the Marshalltown paper is going gangbusters, as it added a Sunday paper years ago. Not a wrap-around like the Iowa City P-C does with the Register. A Sunday paper.

"The T-R also has a sports department that is all over central Iowa. They cover Gilman to Grundy Center, North and South Tama county and all points in between. I am amazed every time I tune into the T-R website just how much regional coverage they manage, with photos and narrative. These reporters from the T-R cover those local and rural teams even though Marshalltown High School is a member of the CIML. That is an important distinction. Ron, it is astonishing that the Register does not send a reporter to those local Des Moines sporting events you speak of.

"I wonder who pays for these young reporters from Marshalltown to drive, photograph and report on every burg, hamlet and local ball team? In my view, it is the sports desk that is holding that operation together, and they are doing a hell of a job. I can't say much for the rest of T-R. Poor writing and the lack of any investigative spirit while waiting for stories to come to them in their cubicles.

"The Press-Citizen report on the French airliner crash was on page...well, it was buried somewhere around page 4.

"Keep writing,"

Mark Robinson
Iowa City

[RON MALY'S COMMENTS: Daily newspaper owners and publishers in Iowa, and not in Iowa, were convinced in the previous century that they should switch from afternoon editions to morning editions. I'm sure advertising had a lot to do with the decision. It always does. Also, owners and publishers thought there was no way an afternoon paper could compete with the evening news on TV, but now even the televised evening and night news shows [at least the local ones] are experiencing financial problems. Papers that had been sold and delivered in the afternoon were told to produce a solid morning edition, and many of them -- such as the Times-Republican -- have done it. Even with advertising and circulation declining steadily, people constantly say that the newspaper business is dead, However, I continue to feel that there is room for a local paper like the Times-Republican. Strong papers like the Cedar Rapids Gazette and the Waterloo Courier certainly are not going away. There's still plenty of good journalism in this state. As for the Des Moines Register's lack of coverage of high school sports, evidently the editors feel they don't have enough people available to cover the games. It could be the editors don't want to spend the money to hire the people to cover the games. Because of that, the coverage suffers terribly. It's ridiculous that some high school teams' football games aren't in the Saturday morning paper, and that some Monday baseball games aren't in the Register until Wednesday. I always thought that the people playing in the high school games and reading the newspaper stories about them were the readers of the future who would keep circulation numbers alive. Now that faith is being destroyed. As poor as the Register has gotten under Gannett Co. ownership, I feel there will always be some sort of Des Moines morning newspaper. It's just not as good, and it likely will continue to get worse with standout reporters, photographers and copy editors being laid off and going into other lines of work. The Register continues trying to send readers to its website to read the news, but I don't hear that people are flocking to their computers to read about what's going on. I'm not sure computer journalism, the way it is now, is a salvation for newspapers. Now newspaper bosses are looking for ways to get readers to pay for the news they read on their computers. It ain't gona work. I go back to my old line. Just like prostitutes, newspapers will be unable to start charging for something they've been giving away for years. Thanks for your thoughts, Mark].

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St. Louis Cardinals fan Mark Robisnon will appreciate this one.

You'd think Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa would have plenty on his plate these days, but now he's suing Twitter after someone created an account in his name and pretended to post updates as him.

Which reminds me that someone created a Sally Mason account on Twitter a while back, and it existed for quite a while before someone pointed out that it really didn't belong to the University of Iowa president named Sally Mason.

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I wonder if there's going to be enough room at the Greek Food Fair for Perry Washburn's pizza.

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That's it for now. I've got a sixth-grade graduation to attend.

George Wine Questions 'National' Telecast Of Iowa-ISU Game; Gary Barta Echos What a Lot Of Us Already Knew: 'Young People No Longer Read Newspapers'

George Wine of Coralville, a retired Iowa sports information director, has been reading newspaper stories that say the 11 a.m. Sept. 12 Iowa-Iowa State football game at Ames will be televised "nationally" by Fox Sports Net.

That prompted him to write in an e-mail, "The football game at Ames will be televised 'nationally' by Fox Sports Net? Hell, the cable systems in Iowa City and Cedar Rapids don't get Fox Sports Net!"

In a second e-mail to me, Wine wrote: "The amazing thing about the TV coverage of the Iowa-ISU game is that our newspapers are not pointing out the lack of coverage in eastern Iowa."

[RON MALY'S COMMENTS: Well, it's been pointed out by me now. Obviously, Wine disagrees that it's going to be a national telecast. It's about like an Iowa home game several years ago that was on ESPNU. In the press box at Kinnick Stadium that day, Wine said, "ESPNU is the only national network that nobody in Iowa City can get!"]

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Don Clasen writes:

Hi, Ron:

"Talked to Gary Barta, the U. of I. AD at our I-Club banquet this week and mentioned your saying that Ohio State and other Big Ten schools are no longer printing media guides. He said the schools will have the guides available on the Internet. I told him that sportswriters would probably end up printing out the guides on their computers. Barta added that 'young people no longer read newspapers,' and I commented, 'That's frightening.'

"I am well aware of the size of some of the media guides after I won each school's Big Ten guide as a door prize while attending a conference football kickoff banquet about 10 or 12 years ago. I was living in Milwaukee at the time and had taken the train to Chicago for the banquet. It was somewhat of an ordeal to lug all of the heavy guides to Union Station from the Hilton Hotel.

"I also recall the luncheon because the then-coach at Minnesota--his name escapes me at the moment--opened his remarks to the crowd by saying, 'We did it! We finished 11th in the Big Ten.'

"The annual banquet of the Milwaukee Area I-Club was held Monday night at the neat new golf club owned by Jay and Joel Hilgenberg in Kenosha, Wis. Had a chance to chat with Jay and said he appeared to be under his playing weight. He replied that he had 'worked hard' to lose about 50 pounds. The ex-All-Pro with the Chicago Bears appeared to be in great shape.

"Jay, Barta, Kirk Ferentz, Mark Jennings, an assistant AD and Andy Piro of the Iowa Foundation spoke at the banquet.

"I'm sure all Iowa golfers would enjoy a round at the Hilgenberg's golf layout called the Club at Strawberry Fields. It is located on Highway 50 west of Kenosha.

"After moving to Chicago, I have remained on the Milwaukee Area I-Club's board."

Don Clasen

[RON MALY'S COMMENTS: Gary Barta deals with a lot of young people in his job as Iowa's athletic director. So if he says people of that age don't read newspapers, he's no doubt right. Young people [and, unfortunately, many old people] may pick up a paper occasionally, but it's not be for the purpose of reading it. More often than not, it's for the supermarket coupons in it. For some reason, newspaper editors haven't recognized that fact yet, or don't want to face it. As for press guides soon being a thing of the past in collegiate athletics, I'm afraid it's happening right before our eyes. As I pointed out in a column several days when I wrote that Ohio State, Wisconsin and Michigan will no longer print press guides, I predict it will be a national trend. Indeed, Iowa State has followed Michigan, Ohio State and Wisconsin and won't have press guides in the upcoming school year. The Cyclones' 2008 football press guide is pictured at the left, and that could be the last the university publishes. Everything will be on the Internet.Iowa is considering the stopping of publishing of press guides, too. I certainly am aware how awkward press guides have gotten. When the Big Ten, Big Eight and Big 12 Conferences would hold press days or if I participated in Skywriters functions promoted by the leagues, just hauling the heavy football guides around became a chore. It's a wonder the leagues didn't issue jockstraps right along with the press guides. Don, thanks for your mention of Jay [pictured at the right] and Joel Hilgenberg's golf course.]

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It's good to see that the Register was on top of things and got several high school baseball and softball games that were played Monday -- including Johnston's 10-inning 7-6 baseball victory over Valley -- into the Wednesday paper. Horrible. Absolutely horrible.

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Also horrible was the fact that the paper put the story of 228 people dying in an Air France plane crash on page 12 this morning. Yesterday's story on the crash was on page 8. As I said in yesterday's column, how many people have to die for the story to be on the front page?

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Speaking of airplane stories, how about the Register depending on the Associated Press to cover the story headlined "Smoky scent in cabin diverts L.A.-bound plane to Waterloo?" Where's Jack Hovelson when the paper needs him. Hovelson, who was a one-man northeast Iowa news bureau before his retirement, would've been all over that story, leaving no question unasked.

*

The Chicago Cubs might as well call it a season. Lou Piniella has gotten so out of touch that it's impossible for him to motivate an overpaid, over-the-hill bunch like the Cubs. For Randy Wells to go through what happened to him last night -- pitching 6 1/3 innings of no-hit baseball, leaving with a 5-1 lead, then the Cubs losing in 12 innings -- was awful.

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Something I'd like to know is why it took so long for the Cubs to call up Wells from No-Name Team in Des Moines? Wells was Cy Young compared to some of the stumblebums Chicago had on its pitching staff earlier in the season.

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Damaged Rooster writes on Twitter: "Dead on about the DMR and not including national stories on their website. Last week, N. Korea tested nukes, nary a word from Juice Sr." I'm guessing the Register wouldn't know a national story unless it hit the managing editor in the chops.

Plane With 228 On Board Crashes, and the Story Is On Page 8; I Wonder How Many People Have To Die For It To Be Regarded As Page 1 News By the Register

I'm wondering how many people have to die before the story gets on the front page of the Des Moines Register.

Debris has been located in the Atlantic Ocean from an Air France plane that was carrying 228 passengers and crew members.

The plane, which took off from Rio de Janeiro and was supposed to land in Paris, went down in a storm yesterday.

Still, the tragedy wasn't big enough to get the story on page 1 of this morning's Register. Or even on page 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 or 7.

The horribly-underplayed story was on page 8 of the general news section.

From now on, I think Reid Forgrave should be put in charge of news judgement and page layout in addition to carrying on his duties as spokesman for Register reporters who still have jobs in the dying journalism trade.

Frankly, after seeing how the plane crash story was handled, I can see why the newspapers that aren't already dead are on life support.

Forgrave's comments about still being employed by the Register didn't make the paper, but they're chronicled in the American Journalism Review story at the right side of this page.

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All of us know how Shawn Johnson of West Des Moines has taken the gymnastics [and "Dancing With the Stars"] worlds by storm.

She's an Olympic gold medalist, she won the Sullivan Award as the No. 1 amateur athlete in America, she and What's-His-Name-Her-Partner won the dancing, and lately she's been piling up money doing personal appearances -- ranging from auto races to throwing out the first pitch last night at a Los Angeles Dodgers baseball game [read the story and take a look at the pictures on the right side of this page].

But Johnson isn't the only gymnast from this area who is a winner.

Another is Jessa Hansen [pictured at the right] of Clive, who had an outstanding freshman season on the women's gymnastics team at the University of Iowa.

She competed on the bars, beam and in the floor exercise -- taking first places in the floor exercise against both Iowa State and Maryland. She also did well at the Big Ten meet.

Jessa, a Waukee High School graduate, trained at the same Chow's Gym where Shawn Johnson did her stuff.

Jessa, who is studying pre-medicine at Iowa, is the daughter of Marc and Jody Hansen. Marc, of course, is the outstanding columnist at the Des Moines Register.

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Message to me from Damaged Rooster, not his real name, on Twitter: "Appropriate that Shawn wore No. 10, she does resemble the Penguin." [Former Dodgers and Cubs third baseman Ron Cey was called The Penguin].

*

I didn't notice, but Biz Buzz said it took last week off because of Memorial Day. After reading what was in the column on the business page today, I think it could easily have taken this week off, too.

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In a Little League-like exhibition, two Los Angeles Dodgers pitchers -- Cory Wade and Brent Leach -- combined to throw five wild pitches last night in a 3-2 loss to Arizona. The five wild ones tied a Dodgers record set on July 9, 1918, at St. Louis. Obviously, the Dodgers then were playing their home games in Brooklyn. To me, it sounds like the catcher should've called in sick last night at Dodger Stadium.

Someone Wonders If 8:30 Saturday Morning Is a Good Time For Lawn Cutting; Well, I Once Had a [Very Wacko] Neighbor Who Cranked Up His Mower At 2 a.m.

I saw a question on one of the several communications sites where my columns can be read.

The question was, "Is 8:30 Saturday morning really the time to mow your lawn?"

My response was this: "I knew a guy [now deceased] who mowed his lawn at 2 a.m. He was wacko in more ways than one."

I would imagine the question from the first person -- the one about whether 8:30 a.m. is the proper time for someone to mow his or her lawn -- was asked because the sound of the mower was harmful to people's Saturday sleeping habits.

I've never been fond of neighbors who mow their grass at 8:30 in the morning either. Fortunately, I can't think of any of my present neighbors who do.

I've never wanted to mow the lawn at that ridiculous hour because it [the grass, I mean] is usually wet, and it winds up clogging the mower and getting all over my shoes and clothes.

I'd much prefer to mow at 11 a.m. or later. Preferably 1 p.m. or later. Maybe even 5 p.m.

*

But back to my late neighbor who evidently mowed his lawn at 2 p.m.

I heard the story second-hand because I rarely am awake at 2 a.m., and the quy I'm referring to lived so far away from me that I couldn't hear his mower.

I'll call the guy Jack because that was his name.

As I pointed out earlier, the fact that Jack mowed his lawn at 2 o'clock in the morning wasn't the only thing that was strange about him.

I guess he also wore a swimming suit when he was out there at 2 a.m.

The fact that he didn't have a swimming pool made it an even stranger story.

Thank goodness it's always dark at 2 a.m. The thought of having to see that guy in a swimming suit at any hour of the day or night is not a pleasant one.

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No one seems to know why Jack mowed a couple of hours after midnight.

I don't know if it was because he had trouble sleeping, or if he was just plain nuts.

He didn't have a wife to look after him. He lived with his mother. As far as I know, his mother didn't help Jack with the mowing.

I don't think Jack's early-mowing habits went on long. I have an idea someone who lived closer to Jack called the police, who made a visit to his split-level home and told him it would be a good idea to not start the mower at 2 a.m.

Like I said, mowing his lawn in the middle of the night wasn't the only thing that made Jack appear to be a wacko.

I also heard he once answered the door in the nude when one of the neighbor boys rang his doorbell.

That was a long time ago -- before people called the cops on neighbors like that.

Today, nutcases like Jack would be behind bars and not behind a lawnmower.

Thank goodness Jack is now cutting grass in that big lawn elsewhere.

He died a number of years ago.

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I've been cutting grass for a long time, dating back to my years behind an old-fashioned push mower like the one pictured at the right.

That's when I was a kid in Cedar Rapids, and it was the only kind of mower we had until my dad bought our first power mower when I was 13 or so.

One of my assignments as a kid was to cut the grass.

I never minded cutting the lawn because it was a good workout, and it gave me time to think.

The workout was what I liked best. I've never cut grass with a riding mower, and maybe never will. We'll see.

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Another lawn-mowing story I recall was the one I saw documented in the paper a number of years ago.

It involved Jeanette Trompeter [pictured at the left], who then was a member of the KCCI television news team.

Everybody loved Jeanette, of course. They still do. Jeanette was recently fired by a Minneapolis station, and people around here wondered if she might return to Des Moines.

As far as I know, she hasn't.

Anyway, the small item in the paper that I recall centered around a man who was arrested for cutting Jeanette's lawn one day.

I don't think Jeanette hired him to cut her grass; the guy just showed up one day with his mower.

At least I think the guy used his mower. Maybe he used Jeanette's.

I wonder whose lawn that man is cutting now.

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Then there was another incident I heard second- or third-hand.

It involved the late Rob Borsellino, who was a columnist at the paper, and Rekha Basu, his wife. Rumor has it she's still a columnist at the paper.

The way I heard the story, Borsellino and Basu didn't know they were supposed to mow their lawn a number of years ago in the south of Grand neighborhood where they lived.

The grass kept growing and growing. Finally someone pointed out that most people in this part of Iowa are supposed to cut their grass when it gets to a certain height.

I don't know how that story wound up -- if Borsellino and Basu began cutting their own grass, or if they hired someone to do it.

If that story isn't entirely correct, I'm sure Rekha or one of the other columnists will call to update me.