Excuse me. I've been so busy lately being critical of the Chicago Cubs that I haven't written enough about the St. Louis Cardinals.
In the event you haven't noticed, the Cardinals have sunk from first place to second in the National League Central, which is the worst division in baseball.
For some reason, Tony LaRussa -- the best manager in baseball [or so he says] -- can't seem to motivate his boys.
The Cardinals can't score when there are runners on base and their bullpen is pretty bad.
That sounds a lot like the Cubs.
The only difference is that the Cardinals have Albert Pujols [pictured at the left], who has already hit 30 home runs, and the Cubs don't.
I'm not sure the entire Cubs team has hit 30 home runs this season.
When Albert Pujols quits playing baseball in St. Louis, I think he could be a success in the National Football League.
He could probably be an astronaut or do a good job being mayor of St. Louis, too. He could clean up all crime, and believe me, there's plenty of it in that town.
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I laugh a lot at the Cardinals when I watch them play on TV.
They're a very serious-looking bunch.
I don't think anyone is allowed to smile in the Cardinals' dugout. Tony's orders.
LaRussa scowls when he stands in the dugout.
He even scowls when he takes off his glasses and goes out to the mound to change pitchers.
Tony doesn't want people to see him wear glasses.
In other words, he kind of acts like a 14-year-old kid sometimes.
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Cardinals pitching coach Dave "Evil Eyes" Duncan scowls when he writes things in that big notebook he has in front of him.
Duncan's son, the butcher who plays leftfield, sometimes scowls, too.
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Dave Duncan is the best pitching coach in baseball.
I know because I think LaRussa told that to the reporters who cover him in St. Louis.
The reporters believe everything LaRussa tells them.
The reporters are little soldiers, Tony LaRussa is their general. They are supposed to do whatever LaRussa tells him.
Indeed, I think LaRussa has St. Louis reporters intimidated.
I've watched his postgame press conferences on TV. When he hears a question he doesn't like -- which happens to be all three of the questions he gets -- he tells the reporter he doesn't know anything about baseball.
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Getting back to Evil Eyes Dave Duncan [pictured with LaRussa at the right] again.
I think it's a putdown and an embarrassment that LaRussa makes Evil Eyes sit there, writing things in that notebook during a game.
I mean, who goes over that notebook later -- Evil Eyes, LaRussa or the ballboy?
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I also think St. Louis fans were expecting much more from ex-Brave, ex-Ranger, ex-Cub and ex-Indian Mark DeRosa than they've gotten, or are going to get.
DeRosa is not exactly Ty Cobb. Like I said earlier, he was just as guilty as any other Cub when the Chicagos couldn't score any runs while getting blown out by Arizona and Los Angeles in the last two playoffs.
DeRosa is now 0-for-9 as a Cardinal.
Like I said, those aren't Ty Cobb numbers.
But he says his wrist hurts. That's probably why he can't get a hit.
DeRosa is a good untilityman, that's all. He won't win you any World Series.
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Getting back to LaRussa.
God's Gift to Managing is among the skippers named by major league players in a Sports Illustrated poll as the least they'd like to play for.
Of course, Lou Piniella of the Cubs was at the top of that list. Ozzie Guillen of the White Sox -- who is spending his entire career being jealous of Wrigley Field -- was in the list, too. Joe Torre also.
I wouldn't worry much about who's on that list. Any player can say anything when the magazine doesn't use his name.
Kind of like when Mike Gartner is ripping people all the time in his little Civic Skinny column in the City View paper, but doesn't identify himself by name. Gutless if you ask me.
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I almost forgot to say that the Cardinals also have baseball's best fans. I know because the team's TV announcers keep telling me.
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One of these days, I'll write about the Milwaukee Brewers, too. They're the best team in the National League Central, and they don't even have the best player, the best manager, the best pitching coach and the best utilityman who is hitting 0-for-9.
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If you notice reporters covering things they don't normally write about at the Des Moines Register, it's because they're trying to save their jobs. Don't forget, there's another big layoff coming within days at 8th & Locust and all other Gannett Co. papers.
