I still can't figure out how a whole team can be in a slump at the same time.
*
You're right. I'm referring to the Chicago Cubs.
*
As I pointed out yesterday, I've seen people on life support who show more zip than some of the players on the Cubs' roster.
*
But devoting this entire column to the Cubs would take too long and be too silly.
Hey, I've got grass to cut and other stuff to do.
I'll leave the heavy lifting to the people in the writing business who have to worry about when they're going to take their next unpaid furlough week.
*
The last thing I need to worry about is whether some billion-dollar sports franchise is getting its money's worth.
So anything I say about the Cubs in the next few paragraphs doesn't mean that I feel sorry for the team.
I'm just printing a few things that are on my mind.
I mean, I'm sitting here today wondering if there's some way the Cubs can get out their deal with the switch-hitting Milton Bradley [pictured at the left].
[By the way, I use the term switch-hitter in a positive way, if there is such a thing].
And I'm not referring to the Milton Bradley game company in Springfield, Mass.
I'm writing about the Milton Bradley who is doing such a terrible job of proving that the three-year, $30 million contract the Cubs gave him in the off-season was a good deal for the team and its fans.
I mean, I'm asking if general manager Jim Hendry or someone else can find out that Bradley really didn't sign his contract.
Kind of like those collegiate football and basketball coaches who go a couple of years before signing anything. During that time, the coaches' lawyers are trying to bleed the athletic directors for every nickel they can get.
Bradley came to the Cubs as a good-hit, so-so-field rightfielder.
Right now, in mid-June, his fielding is the best part of his game.
That's how bad things have gotten.
He's hitting .209, which is bad enough. Against right-handed pitching, he's hitting a lousy .183.
And they got the guy so he could hit against right-handers.
Give me a break.
*
Here's a statistic: Bradley, of course, is always hurt. But the Cubs have a 10-3 record when he doesn't play.
*
Changing subjects, the Famous Chicken doesn't do just a one-night stand at No-Name Ballfield every few years. Actually, the real Famous Chicken has an office at the ballpark, and is there most of the time.
*
There are are [at least] two sides to every story, and Mark Robinson of Iowa City points out the other [much darker] side to Barry Switzer, the retired football coach Craig Maltby of Clive wrote about in this space yesterday.
Here's Robinson's e-mail to me:
"Hi, Ron,
"I appreciate Maltby and his appreciation of Maury White's work, but Barry Switzer was a bad guy. Yes, a bad guy who actually got to coach my Dallas Cowboys.
"Oh, well.
I lived in Tulsa while his reign of terror transpired in Norman. Rape, firearms, drug use by his players and his own DWI and pandering to prostitutes brought him down.
"He was a poor loser who never gave any credit to the winning team when he lost.
"He was a bastard and an asshole.
"And, if someone asks me nicely, I will tell them how I REALLY feel.
"Keep writing,"
Mark Robinson
[RON MALY'S COMMENTS: Switzer was a national championship coach at Oklahoma, but there was much more to the story than what he did on the football field. Switzer's photo appeared on the famous cover of the Feb. 27, 1989 Sports Illustrated [pictured], along with a larger picture of former Oklahoma quarterback Charles Thompson. The handcuffed Thompson was dressed in prison clothes after the FBI videotaped him selling 17 grams of cocaine for $1,400 to an undercover agent. Thompson was arrested in Norman and charged with dealing cocaine. Text on the Sports Illustrated cover said, "Oklahoma: A Sordid Story. How Barry Switzer's Sooners terrorized their campus." Switzer's program had already been under strong criticism before the Thompson arrest. Players had been arrested for such things as assault with a deadly weapon and rape. Switzer resigned as Oklahoma's coach following the 1988 season. Switzer went on to coach the Dallas Cowboys, but that didn't have a happy ending either. On Jan. 10, 1998, following a 6-10 record, owner Jerry Jones said Switzer was resigning.]
*
I've been pointing out that I haven't watched a minute of the NBA finals yet.
I hear that the Lakers are about ready to win the championship, so that means the playoffs will probably be over before the Fourth of July.
Good for basketball.
