The hottest little star in the guest appearance business is our own little Shawn Johnson.
I keep calling Johnson little because she's...well, little.
I mean, some of her is little. What I really mean is, she's not very tall. Four-eight or something.
The Olympic gold medal gymnast and "Dancing With the Stars" champion -- who used to live in West Des Moines -- was decked out in a NASCAR outfit at last week's Coca-Cola 600 in Concord, N.C. [notice the photo], and next Monday she'll throw out the ceremonial first pitch at the Los Angeles Dodgers-Arizona Diamondbacks baseball game at Dodger Stadium.
The Dodger Stadium appearance prompted Diane Pucin of the Los Angeles Times to make this comment: "We'll see whether the Dodgers dress Johnson in a baseball uniform."
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Hey, listen, I'm all for the 17-year-old Johnson piling up the big bucks while America carries on a love affair with her.
Indeed, I predict many more opportunities for her. But, obviously, the money has to be right. I saw her appear at halftime of a Valley High School football game a couple of years ago when she was still supposedly a student there, but I don't think she works for free anymore.
Anyway, here are a few of the possibilities I can see for Shawn to further inflate her bank account:
1. Our diminutive star will ride in one of those child carriers behind a bicycle ridden by Lance Armstrong at RAGBRAI. Of course, I'm fairly certain the Des Moines Register -- sponsor of the bike ride -- would have to lay off the entire newsroom, including editor Carolyn Washburn and managing editor Randy Brubaker, to help pay Shawn's appearance fee.
2. For the right piece of change, Shawn will perform the coin toss prior to the Iowa State-Iowa football game Sept. 12 in Ames. Part of the demands by Johnson's agent will be that Jack Trice Stadium be renamed Shawn Johnson Stadium. Iowa State athletic director Jamie Pollard said he'd have to think about it.
3. Shawn will appear both before the game and at halftime of a Valley football game in October. The last I heard, she still hasn't taken her senior classes by mail from Valley. But when she is introduced to an overflow crowd at a big game [hey, they're all big games at Valley], she will be given an honorary diploma because there's no way she'll ever have enough time to earn a real diploma. To get into the spirit of things, and not to be outdone, Dowling will also send her a diploma via FedEx.
4. Shawn will do backflips, and sign autographs at the same time, in aisle 5 at the Hy-Vee on 35th Street in West Des Moines sometime in the fall. She'll completely take over the grocery chain's motto. She alone will be the "Helpful Smile In Every Aisle."
5. Mike Gartner will invite Johnson to sign autographs at No-Name Team's baseball FanFest next winter, and Gartner will quietly send a hand-written note, with the word "Sigh" on the envelope, to Shawn's agent, wondering if she'll give him a "home-team discount" and waive her appearance fee. Johnson will tell both Gartner and Sam Bernabe to screw themselves and refuse to sign autographs unless No-Name Stadium is renamed Sec Taylor Stadium, the way it should be.
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One [well, one that we know of] of Derrick Rose's grades at Simeon High School in Chicago was changed from a "D" to a "C" before he got to the University of Memphis to play a season of basketball.
And the rumor is that it wasn't Rose who took his SAT entrance exam -- it was someone posing as him.
And the Chicago Sun-Times says the NCAA has accused Memphis of improperly providing $2,260 in extra benefits for an "associate" of a player during the 2007-08 season. Yahoo.com identified the associate as Rose's brother, Reggie.
I sure can't imagine John Calipari being involved in a mess like that, can you? Not squeaky-clean John Calipari.
Yeah. Sure.
Of course, Calipari is now the coach at Kentucky, not Memphis.
And Rose was named the NBA's rookie of the year this past season for the Chicago Bulls.
Here's what will happen: Calipari will remain at Kentucky, a place that has historically hired thugs to coach, and the NCAA will do nothing to him. Nothing will happen to Rose. Memphis will be put on probation for two weeks by the NCAA.
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The Chicago papers say Cubs manager Lou Piniella didn't talk to reporters last night after his team lost to the Dodgers, 2-1.
As usual, Piniella was outmanaged by the Dodgers' Joe Torre.
Remember the playoffs last season? L.A. won all three games against the Cubs.
Torre used "small ball" -- bunts, stolen bases and tremendous pitching -- to make Piniella look silly last night.
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It was a pleasure to watch the game on MLB.com.
That gave me the opportunity to hear play-by-play announcer Bob Costas and analyst Dan Plesac in operation for the first time all season.
Both Costas and Plesac said the Cubs aren't as good as they were last year and that Chicago first baseman Derrek Lee isn't the same player he was in past seasons.
You don't hear stuff like that from Len Kasper and Bob Brenly on the Cubs' telecasts. Kasper is an obvious houseman, and Brenly should be managing the Cubs, not talking about them on TV.
Costas and Plesac wondered if the Cubs might "swallow their pride" and try to obtain Mark DeRosa, the do-everything player general manager Jim Hendry traded to Cleveland during the winter.
Let's hope they know something the rest of us don't.
Getting DeRosa back sure beats letting him go to the Cardinals now or in the off-season.
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I think Piniella should get Jake Fox in the lineup as often as possible. Put him at third base until Aramis Ramirez is healthy. Play him in left-field occasionally because Alfonso Soriano isn't getting it done.
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I now have 240 followers on Twitter.
Some of them I know, some I don't know.
One I don't know, and one who is unnamed, says in a bio: "Dip Me In Chocolate, Roll Me In Dough."
Somebody will have to explain that one to me.
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Photo of Shawn Johnson courtesy of Streeter Lecka/Getty Images.
